oh the craziness.
i feel like all of my emotions are having a war against each other, like i cant relax or i cant turn my mind off. Basically this past week my hormones have hijacked my emotions and they are taking them for one wild ass ride. One second I'm annoyed and angry with everyone and then the next I'm crying about a commercial on TV. I lay in bed at night just thinking and thinking until i finally fall asleep and then in the morning when i wake up my thoughts pick back up right where they left off the night before with a thousand thoughts racing through my head at one time. I really hope this passes soon, i don't know how much longer i can take it.

enough of me
now that Daxtons about to make his way into this world I'm becoming increasingly worried i wont have enough of me to share between Vincent and him. I know that all moms tend to feel this way when their second baby is about to arrive, but the feeling is so real. I'm wondering if Vincent will feel replaced or feel like i don't love him as much. It makes me sad. Since the day he's been born he's been my one and only and Ive never loved anyone as much as i love him, he tops the charts, hes my favorite and now there is another baby on the way and in its own way my love for Daxton is just as equal to the love i have for Vincent. Whats going to happen if Daxton has a bad day of crying and being fussy and all my attention has no choice but to be payed to him, then how will Vincent feel? will he even notice or care? I just don't want him to feel like i don't want him anymore or feel like i don't have time for him because the new baby is here.

reality check
as everyone knows i had a c-section with Vincent because he was breeched and it was no biggie because we had known the whole pregnancy that that's probably how it would end, it wasn't a surprise to us. i had read enough about it that i wasn't worried or scared when the day came. it was a breeze, so much so that when i found out this pregnancy that Daxton was breeched like Vincent was and that id probably be having another csection i wasn't worried about it. i did it before, i can do it again. Then the other night when i was trying to go to sleep i was watching Vincent as he slept next to me and it came to me what if something happened to me? i mean a csection is major surgery and what if something happened to me during the procedure? it made me start to cry. with the first surgery i wasn't worried because i had no real reason to be, but now i do have a reason, and the reason is Vincent. He depends on me as his mom and he expects me to be there for him. Now all of a sudden I'm feeling alot of anxiety about this csection.

(-i told you... they fucking hijacked my emotions!!)