i have'nt been posting to much.


I'm about to get serious.


The Daddy and i are going through a break up. yep. a break up. its pretty hard for me. not because i want to be with him, but because of the memories. I'm one of those people who hold on to memories -really tight. We use to be happy. We arnt now, but we use to be, along time ago. I'm afraid i'll forget those memories from when we were happy. The things we did together, the way we use to laugh at the same jokes... the movies we watched together or even the way we use to share drinks, I'm afraid it will all get lost.

The past two weeks i have been so stressed out. My mind is racing. I don't feel like doing anything. I'm fucking scared. Ive been pissed. Hurt. Neglected. Emotionally neglected. I no longer have that companionship, it feels like i have lost a very important friend. One who doesn't care anymore. I know The Boy has noticed a change, i can tell. He has become very clingy which isn't like him. I also know this isn't going to be easy on him, but its best for all of us. I have been so worried about him, and his future. How he might feel about all of this. Even things as minor as potty training and stuff, or going out to eat. or what if he gets sick? I'll be alone. I mean, The daddy is here, and he always will be. Hes an awesome awesome dad. Seriously. But i still feel alone in everything now.

The Boy and i just took a shower about an hour ago. When we got out and i got him dressed he gave me kisses, and i tickled him. He got up and walked out of the room, then he turned around and came back and stood in the doorway. Smiled, pointed at me and then almost clear as ever... he said "everything is alright" with a serious look on his face. I sat there looking at him for a second and asked 'everything is going to be alright?' and he smiled again and turned around and walked out of the room. I told him as he was walking away 'your right everything is going to be alright'. and it will be.

Labels: alright, breakup, smile